rubbing salt in my wounds...and Homage to a Gerbera

And, just to start off with a digression - because it's my blog and I can do it! And no one is marking me, and a tenant's living situation does not rely on my being able to organize my thoughts here into something approaching cohesion... but I'm digressing already (what do you call a digression into a digression...?? hmm). SIGH. Anyway, here is my latest finished craft endeavour:
More about "the making of" at the end of the post. But first, another ramble about vintage cookbooks - sort of.

Let me first say that I have always admired those "Martha" types (and way before Martha came on the scene, mind you) who actually have matching tableware and fancy versions of such basic things as salt and pepper shakers.

(I keep trying to steal my mother's sterling silver ones but she has taken to conducting a full luggage search before I return to Toronto after visiting her.)

So, while chortling anew at some of the food photos in the Presto Cookbook I acquired recently, I started to notice some of the artistic details and the fancy accoutrements in the photos of the food.

Check out, for example, this giraffe on the cereals page.

Now, I can't quite figure out what this is meant to be. At first I thought maybe a milk pourer, but unless the milk comes out of the eyes in drips, I can't see a spout. Let's take a closer look:

I still can't see anything. Hmm... maybe a cornstarch shaker in the event the oatmeal is not quite thick enough? (although I must say that the grout I mixed this morning for my Homage to Gerbera probably had a less gluey consistency than that bowl of oatmeal...).

I shall have to ask JJ, my resident expert on all things Scottish, including oatmeal. He will likely tell me that it is some esoteric tradition that people in Scotland stopped doing 200 years ago, but which thrives on generations later in the diaspora.

Moving along: here is a series of fancy salt and pepper shakers:

(a) The Classics

I like these ones. It means that you don't have to rely on that confusing "how many holes in the top" code to figure out which is which. And the identical number of holes add some symmetry.

(b) Calves - and an unknown creature

I can't really tell which is which... but aren't they cute? Awwww...

As for the red thing on the far right - any guesses? It looks kind of like a Buddha to me but I can't figure out the link between calves and the Buddha. However, I was glad to note that my photography skills are pretty much identical to those of the 1950s professional food photographer who must have taken this picture... we both cut off heads!

(c) Mr. Rooster and Mrs. Hen

Hard to see the details what with the identical fancy stripes in the underlying tablecloth (sadly, they don't carry fancy striped tablecloths in the "Vinyl" section of the dollar stores I shop at...).

Note the symmetry of the release holes for the salt and pepper - but no way to tell them apart! This could lead to hours of fascinating conversation at your next dinner party about the construct of gender in North American society - and days if you incorporate international considerations! Is the hen meant to carry the salt (like Lot's wife... or did she turn into a pillar of salt? I can never remember) or is the hen meant to carry the pepper, denoting spiciness (or, for that matter, to stuff into the mouths of her foul-mouthed little chicks - in Greek tradition, pepper is used instead of soap for this purpose. I still do not curse in front of my mother!!!)

Better cut this off and move along...

Anyway, after this display of grandeur, I am quite embarrassed to show you my salt and pepper dispensers:

(And, before you say anything - yes, I know that the pepper one is filled with salt, and vice versa. That is my attempt at confusing the odd person (and that person must be very, very odd indeed to actually accept an invite to the Lair of Brouhaha and See Ya Jimmy) which get into the Inner Sanctum. I also have salt in my sugar bowl, and vice versa. My favourite holiday, aside from Payday, is April Fools' Day... or is it Hallowe'en??? Dang...)

Well, they sort of match, anyway. There's green on both of them.

And, I have to say that these things (which you can buy for about 5 bucks with salt or pepper already loaded!) work far better than the pepper mill I bought a few years back for $30. I would show it to you but it got flung off the balcony shortly afterward. As JJ at the time said, "Oh well, at least the raccoons can season their food now." But it looked something like this.

This pepper mill thing seems a big business these days, actually. I mean, check out this blurb! As you will probably gather, the red insert is my editorial commentary.

Finally, I can sleep now... er... a consistent grind every time with this new u'Select pepper mill from Peugeot, a highly respected manufacturer of steel grinding mechanisms since their first table pepper mill was made in 1874. Do you think they sell high-end Peugeot bikes with an attachment to carry around your pepper mill for those culinary emergencies? Hmm... This 9in/23cm high rich dark wood pepper mill (just picture the "mine is bigger than yours!" potential...!!!) features the patented u'Select stainless steel mechanism, designed to crack the whole peppercorns prior to the precision grinding action (sounds a bit cruel, no?), which has six distinct grind settings (that would be five more grind settings than my coffee grinder, which is actually a mortar and pestle. Or at least it was the last time I ran out of coffee and diet coke at the same time and started pounding JJs stash of chocolate covered coffee beans in desperation. He was not best pleased.)...

Comes ready to use partially filled with peppercorns. (for $50 you think they could fill the thing to the top, no? The President fills his and they only cost $5.00!

Anyway, I was amazed to see that they even sell electric ones now!! How lazy do you have to be? ...

Um, on second thought, maybe it's time to think about getting churched (as opposed to shacking, which I do currently) so that I can sign up for a registry and cash in on some kitchen gadgets....!

But, for the time being, my humble salt and pepper mills work just fine. What beats me is that they tell you on the label to refill "three to four times only". Which is it? And why??? I must have refilled these two at least 20 times by now.

They probably just want to part me with my hard-earned money by purchasing more useless grinders, I guess. But if I did that, I'd wind up sinking into penury and having to take up a second job. Which might not be a bad thing, because it might force me up off my lazy @$$ and out to try to sell some of my mosaics.

On that topic: my Homage to a Gerbera started life as this $3.00 acquisition from the Goodwill on Saturday:

It was very pretty as is. But of course I could not leave well enough alone. So, I had to stick broken china all over it - OPA!

I was of half a mind to leave it like this as it looked pretty and uncharacteristically subtle. However, it lacked some zing. So - I mixed cadmium blue and cadmium red artist pigment with white grout powder and came up with some purple grout which I thought a decent contrast for the fuschia flower:

I love these ornate handles on the old teacups. Patrizia at Zia Mosaics very cleverly sells little packets of broken china for $1.50 apiece... and the ones I bought on Saturday contained these two pieces. I was thrilled.

And, here's a final look back at the piece in all its glory:It will look quite nice hanging up at the office, don't you think?

On that note - a happy Monday to you! And, just so you know, today marks the anniversary of the birth of King Charles I in 1600. King Charles was only one of the proud forebears of Prince George, my favourite Royal.

Valuable Greek Antiquities!!

I know, I know... three posts in two days?! (see Requiem to a Glue Gun and Homage to Miranda, 8 November) - but I couldn't resist. I came across the following the other night when hunting for fake pearls in my bedroom drawer. (There is also a graveyard for watches there, by the way. I shall have to make another mosaic).

See this?


Ah, the Parthenon!! Remember this?
There would appear to be a trend going on here. But what a fancy pendant, eh? The coworkers all loved it!

It gets better. Have a look at the other side. Then there is this beauty:

I have no idea what purpose this is meant to have. I suspect it is something that you're supposed to hang over your doorway. Greeks are big on hanging things over entrances thinking it's good luck.

(And perhaps it is ... until such time as it falls down and breaks - then out comes the dreaded koutala - weapon of choice of Greek mothers everywhere! - for breaking the good luck charm.

Here is a photo of my mother's original koutala I stole it from her house. The cycle of violence ends HERE.

To be fair, I don't think she ever used it on me. She probably just waved it around at me a few times when I was four and said "Wait until your father gets home." However, I had blown the koutala up in my mind until it was roughly the size of a baseball bat. I actually couldn't believe it when I found this in her kitchen drawer in my early 20s - it looked so small! So harmless!)

So, let's turn back to deconstructing this miraculous good luck charm:

First, a door knocker.
I don't get the "good luck" aspect of a doorknocker myself. Perhaps it just meant that the holder was the luckiest and richest person in the village because they actually had a door to hang it on? However, our modern version, the doorbell, certainly lacks aesthetic appeal in comparison.

Maybe it's meant to symbolise knock knock knockin' on heaven's door? Did Eric Clapton have a Greek ancestor? Hmm.

Second and last, there's the good old time honoured severed hand:


JJ thinks the two pieces were meant to be attached at some point. Maybe so (which begs the question... WHY?!?).

I just wish I still had this good luck doorknocker sent back by relatives from Greece with me some time ago. It weighed about five pounds, and looked like a dead hand holding a big ball. I tried to put it on the door to my first crappy apartment here, and the apartment door practically came off its hinges. It apparently got lost (or stolen?) in one of the 16 or so moves since then. SIGH.

So, on to my next treasure: just what every girl needs - a fancy charm bracelet!!


And not just any old charm bracelet, mind you. It is jam-packed with ancient Greek secret wisdom. Let me share some with you (you knew you weren't going to get off lightly when you started reading this post, so don't give me thatlook!!!

(a) The Fish
Um, er... now I can't remember what this means. It is some sort of Greek Orthodox religious thing. I would probably know, except I was too busy during the liturgy (when still forced to go) pinching my little brother and passing notes with my friends.

Or - maybe it's just there because it would taste very good battered and deep fried with a rocking side of skordalia. Please note that this is not my own recipe. That remains my (not so) ancient Greek secret. However, I'll give you one tip - use instant mashed when making it. Really.

(b) The Grecian water jug
Remember this?

I'm beginning to think that the ancient Greeks lacked imagination. Perhaps they were too busy creating democracy and philosophy (not to mention plumbing, which they then lost for a couple of thousand years for some unknown reason? Let's blame the Turks!)?

(c) The Pompom Shoe

Oh no! Takis lost his shoe!!
Perhaps his legs were too long for him to bend and pick it up? Hmm.

(d) The Unknown
I have no clue what this is meant to be. Also, strangely enough, it resisted all attempts to get a clearer photograph than this:


So, I think it must be either an evil owl (symbol of Greece, wisdom, etc... bla bla bla) or perhaps an ogre?... no, ogres are good. A zombie??!!

NB. After the fact, I consulted JJ on his understanding of this particular charm. I wish I hadn't. He said "Well, it's Janus, of courrrse!". I said, effectively, huh?!? He then turned over the charm to reveal this: Apparently Janus guarded the many treasures of the Greek Gods. I so hate it when I am one-upped on my own heritage!!!

Where was I? Oh yes. Anyway, in case this is an evil charm, it's a very good thing that I have an image of Holly Ogre, the Zombie Slayer hanging in my apartment:


(Er... actually, I think it's St George the Dragon Slayer. I really should have paid attention at liturgy! Ah yes - here's another photo of him hanging around in my apartment for some reason: Notice how his face resists capture - just like the Owl/Ogre. Coincidence? I think not! This image is over the door of the oldest Greek Orthodox church in Toronto, known as St George's. No imagination, these Greeks, I tell you!)

The Ogre/Dragon slayer is part of a huge good luck charm in my apartment:


Evil eyes, boats - we should always be safe here, touch wood.

And to magnify the good luck aspect, I've paired it with a disco queen luck charm to celebrate my two heritages:


Oh - by the way, do you notice where this is hanging? Over an entrance!!!! Ah, tradition!

In signing off, I note that Glasgow, Scotland (JJs hometown) has today been selected as the site for the 2014 Commonwealth Games. JJ intends to participate in the weightlifting competition but only if magnums of whisky are used as the weights.)

Olé!

(This is pronounced "olay", as in "oil of".) Like many North Americans, I learned whatever Spanish I know from Speedy Gonzales, so please pardon any spelling mishaps.

(It is a little known fact that Speedy Gonzales actually coined the phrase "Una cervesa* mas, por favor" - one of the most useful expressions in any language as far as I'm concerned!)

*Why didn't I put a link to Corona above? I don't like Corona. I don't like Moretti either, but for some reason I love the painting of the old guy they use to advertise.) And if you were wondering, the word for "beer" in Italian - and Greek, for that matter, is birra. The Italians must have stolen it from the Greeks. Far simpler to remember for this ignorant North American.

Anyway, for those less tutored in Spanish than I, olé means "Opa" in Greek (closest English translation I can think of right now is Yee-hah!!)

Why the Spanish exhortations in a Greek/Scottish household, you ask? Because I recently took photos of my favourite mosaic creation ever (having realised I lost most of the other ones when I dropped my former laptop last winter... don't fall asleep when blogging!!!), the Fiesta Chair!
So why not bore you with the story behind the creation today? I'm sure it won't be the first time I've made you either yarn or hit the back button!

I made this one a couple of years back. Here's my how-to:

1. Haunt the large garbage disposal in your apartment building until you come across a discarded child's chair.

It is rather fortunate that I don't have photos of the "before" picture. This may have been the ugliest chair ever seen. It was painted puce and had ripped burlap upholstery, probably because the poor toddler who was forced to use it took an X-acto knife to it in desperation.

So, of course I was completely thrilled!! (JJ, correspondingly, less so. He made me take it back outside, brought out a can of bug spray and sprayed it for about 15 minutes before I could bring it back up. I was afraid Super Mario might come and poach it...!)

2. Let the eyesore sit in your spare bedroom for a year and trip over it while you decide what to do with it.

No explanation needed here.

3. Break a Fiesta plate in the microwave by accident.

By the way, have you ever heard a plate crack in the microwave? It sounds like gunfire. When I woke up from my coma after being incapacitated when my head hit the ceiling, I was mighty peeved to learn that my favourite plate (which I had scored at my grandmother's house) was broken.
They LIED! I almost wrote a very, very strong letter indeed. But, given that it had sat in my grandmother's basement under two tons of canned goods for 20 years, I figured I'd save my sword-like pen for a worthier cause (such as writing to Loblaws to complain about their not having the $5/litre olive oil in stock and not offering raincheques...).

So, of course, I decided to break the only other Fiestaware in my possession (a small green side plate). All the broken pieces went into the spare room and then I spied the ugly burlap chair - A-ha!!!

4. Dip into the five gallon drum of paint lying around the spare room, and paint the eyesore.

That paint may well have been JJs one and only Treasure from Trash. He brought it home from work but didn't know what colour it was. He works at a military base so I just assumed it was either khaki or institutional beige. However, I had no other paint in the house and was too lazy to walk five minutes to the Pro Hardware. So, I cracked into it. Wedgwood Blue!! Yee-hah!!!

(Let me tell you that JJ was not best pleased that I cracked open five gallons of paint to use on a baby chair. However, he sold the rest to Mario, our building superintendent, so all was not lost.)

5. Break some more crockery.

In this case, an old teacup from my grandmother's collection. This detail is my little trick to stop people from trying to sit on the thing...

6. Raid your stash for beads and tiles and glue everything onto the chair.

Again, rather self-explanatory. However, I was glad to note that the middle part of the plate was more or less intact... so of course I smashed it (OPA!!!) and reassembled it in the middle of the chair seat.


I then discovered that this feature works very well as a plant stand. So, that is its official use. And, if there was a plant in existence which could live for more than a day in my presence, it would probably hold a plant all the time.

This is the one piece of furniture in my apartment which is never, ever draped with clothes/books (can one drape books? hmm)/empty cigarette packages or other general detritus of the Brouhaha lifestyle. So, that in itself should tell you its value to me!

Happy birthday to Joni Mitchell!

Cheers,

Kristina

PS. here is my other Spanish delight in progress:

I would have finished it tonight except that I managed to wreck my brand new glue gun. You can look forward (?!) to that story when I post pics of the finished object. Suffice to say it will be something along the lines of this when finished - perhaps a tad shorter as I am really not all that tall and I don't know that this would suit JJ.

In my travels today I also acquired a felt hat form. Stay tuned for whatever is in store for it!


But wait! What's that in front of the head mannequin?
.

The comb JJ gave me, and a tube of crazy glue!

Oops.

Never on Sunday...(and candy - real and surreal)

...go to the Forest Hill Loblaws. A nightmare. Busier than Christmas Eve! And why advertise two day specials which you then don't have, and try to fob me off with overpriced substitutes?!?!? Enough said about that. I did acquire some maple fudge and fake-o Toblerone which is better than the real thing (called Alpine!) so all was not lost.

And at least I still have the poppy I shelled out $5 for (because I felt for the veteran with the poppy box - a man who likely fought in the Second World War - consigned to standing all day in the Loblaws from hell getting run over by frantic shopping cart drivers operating cell phones and Blackberries at the same time ). The fact that it is still on my jacket constitutes a personal record for longevity of poppies in the Brouhaha universe.

KB's Energizer Poppy (lasts a long, long time)


My poppy, by the way, stands for both remembrance and peace, in case anyone cares.

Speaking of poppies, or red, I'd like to digress to show you a little chapeau I acquired earlier this week at Brava (vintage place up the street from work).

Don't I look like a "lady who lunches"?

Oh - maybe not with the diet coke bottle in hand. Let's try again, shall we?


That's better.

Where was I?! Oh, yeah. Today's trek was also highly worthwhile as I stopped in at the Goodwill before hitting the grocery store. I finally left Goodwill - nine neckties, two tops and a fancy set of beads later, all for under $30!


I'm particularly proud of the beads. They were sitting at the till and I was cursing the person in front of me whom I thought had scored them. However, when it was my turn to pay they were still there. I grabbed them - the lady at the till then told me that ten people had refused them because they were "too expensive" at $5 and that a few of them had tried to haggle. Chickenheads.

Then I came home and recommenced work on my latest mosaic, which started off like this:


Then ended up looking like this:

I then had to grout it. I really dislike black grout. For some reason with me it always ends up with the consistency of tar, and about as hard to shift (man, what is all that tar doing to my lungs anyway? SIGH). So, here it is after the grouting:

What a mess, eh? But (drumroll, please) voila the finished product:


I'm calling it Liquorice Allsorts . One day, I will actually do a mosaic with real liquorice allsorts - they are probably harder to chew than the plate pieces I used today, anyway!

Please note the very la-di-dah features:

(a) Actual gold content!

(b) Hallmark from an exotic place!

And finally, another detail shot:


All this, too, can be yours - after a trip to the Goodwill:


(Not to mention the spot where large items are disposed behind my building!)

And - JJ actually likes it! And - he suggested painting the rest of the unit yellow! I think I may be converting him to crazy coloured craftdom... heh heh. Who's the Voice of Evil now, Holly?!

I should note that this is my first project for the Crafting 365 Flickr group (which I found about on "Handmade Originals - thanks, Frances! I've put a little list into the left sidebar of this blog to track my progress. The link to the Flickr page is there if others are interested.

I am still knitting as well - work progressed apace yesterday on the argyle blankie as well... I hope to have the FO very soon (I keep saying that, don't I?)

Happy Guy Fawkes Day!